Feelings, nothing more than feelings

This morning at 12:08am my nephew was born. Instead of being excited (even though I am, and very very happy he finally has a name) I am hurt because my I found out on Facebook. Didn't recieve a phone call or a text but Facebook, and if my oldest brother hadn't told me to check my email, I never would have realized that an email was sent this morning announcing his arrival.
This hurt my feelings, mostly bc if I wasn't spending the week out of town babysitting, and thus currently sitting in a coffee shop using their internet, I wouldn't have access to my email and wouldn't have even checked it until much later in the day. And thus I would have read Facebook and been pissy the rest of the day.

I realize this is stupid and all that matters is that he is finally here and is healthy, but it just brings up all my insecurities and what not. If my oldest brother hadn't responded to my complaint about finding out on facebook, I would have never known to check my email. I think it also upsets me bc this is the same older brother who informed the world of his engagement by email, when I had graduated from college and was living on a couch and didn't have access to the internet. Thus I hate the internet. I hate how dependent the world has gotten on it for a form a communication, especially in timely matters. Which I know I am guilty of as much as the next person but for the most part it is for minor events like lunch, not the birth of my child. I mean what if I didn't have access to the internet at all this week. I could have gone days without knowing. Not really cuz if I didn't hear anything by lunch time I would have called my mom to check in and then I would have been even more upset but it didn't happen that way.

But as I sat in the coffee shop trying not to cry and be upset about being informed this way, instead of fighting back tears of joy, I realized how easily my feelings get hurt. Which I feel kinda stupid saying because I consider myself a mostly stable person and I try not to let stuff get to me, but yeah my feelings get hurt pretty easy.

• It hurt my feelings that I found out about my nephew through an email.
• It hurt my feelings when the 8yr old that I am babysitting hit me in the chest last night for no reason.
• It hurt my feelings that one of my friends planned a trip to my city when I told her I would be out of town.

I know there are a dozen more stupid things that have hurt me, and the super sad thing is that most of them have brought me either to tears or close to tears. I really think it is just a sign that I just need a really good cry.

I think I have spent so much of my life trying to be tough and protect myself, that the stupiest little things hurt me now, and instead of telling people, I just keep it inside. What is the point of telling my brother that it hurt my feelings, when he can't go back in time and change it and it will just make him feel bad during a happy time in his life.

Sometimes I wish I didn't feel this way, but at the same time I am glad that God made me this way. I am glad that I can be sympathic and express my emotions and am in tune with myself to know all of this.

Lust

I was reading an article today about a band I like. In it it was examining the many looks of the bassest's facial hair. It was a funny little article written by "super fans" and mostly just made me giggle. As they wrote and rated his hair, they gave his long straggly "hobo" look a point just for his reasoning behind having it.
He didn't want to be hit on. Their exact words were Lust = Bad.

It made me laugh b/c in college one of the hot Christian guys went through a stage of having long hair and not shaving b/c he didn't want to girls to like him. Which if you are a Christian female when you hear that reasoning, he automatically becomes more attractive then you first thought. And even if you didn't think he was attractive at all he is now the hottest guy alive.

Same thing happens to me when I hear a guy pray, like a good genuine, you can hear his love of God in his voice prayer. 20 times more attractive to me.

All of this is a horrible double edged sword.
It is so great that there are men out there that care about that sort of thing. That care about not wanting to be a stumbling block for their sisters. Unfortunately all of their good intentions go out the window since most of the time the guys doing this are already attractive and/or have been known to have great personalities.
So guys if you want to be awesome come into the situation looking like a hobo and stay that way until no one could possibly be attracted to you. Don't come in looking hot, then decide you don't like the attention so you get all nasty. Move to a new town, start a new church and be nasty and stay nasty.
2) (I know there was no 1 but whatev) Don't TELL people, ANYONE especially a girl, that that is what you are doing. That is like giving $100 to a charity and then telling everyone you just gave $100 to a charity. Bad example but I can't think of a better one right now.

I also think the whole situation is rather funny (weird, interesting, etc) bc no girl thinks that. No girl thinks I will look like a slob so no man will lust after me. I will admit that I do make a conscience effort when I go out to Christian events (which not sure why it makes a dif but oh well) to be careful about the amount of cleavage I show (aka NONE or as much as I can not have) and how tight my clothes are, etc. I also don't overly try with hair or makeup. I know I am so awesome, I just did #2 which I told guys not to do. HAHA awesome me.

I am totally rambling today bc I have so many thoughts surrounding this that lead to other thoughts about this.

I have purposefully not followed a guy on Twitter, or befriended him on Facebook (cuz that is sooo my generation and as much as I hate it, I embrace it as well) bc I have a major crush on him. I am most def lusting after him. But the fact that I haven't followed him hasn't stopped me from swinging by his pages now and then and just continuing to lust after him. I know that part of me goes to his page and such in hopes that I will see something that makes him not to attractive anymore, like back hair :), or hunting, or not liking girls. I can't really think of anything. OH he has a girlfriend that would help . But none of that has happened yet and I can't stop crushing on him. I feel better saying I have a crush on him then I am lusting after him, even though I feel it is more of that latter than the former.

How do you differentiate between the two?