I can't speak from my own experience as I have never been married but I have been surrounded by married people my whole life.
People who made marriage look like the easiest thing in the world, people who I didn't understand why they stayed married, people who tried to sugar coat it and people who were brutally honest.
This is what I know: adding someone else to your life is hard. Making time and space is hard. Making time and space for the right person is easier, but it still means sacrifice.
When you get married life doesn't just magically change for the better. What does change is your name, your title, your living situation and change is hard. Change can be worth it but it is hard.
"Singles" don't do yourself a disservice and think that getting married will solve all your problems. You are adding someone else's messed up life, finances, family to your own messed up life, finances and family. Yes there are now two people carrying that weight but it is also double the weight.
"Marrieds" don't do us single people wrong. Don't make us feel like marriage is the end goal. Some of us will never get there. Some of us will take a long time. Be honest with us. Remind us that living in community is hard. Remind us that love doesn't take out the trash or put the toilet seat down. Remind us that we have value and worth right now in our singleness.
Heck be jealous of us, because unfortunately a lot of us our jealous of you.
So good. I just said all this to a friend the other day... being engaged is hard. I know that it may be a completely eye-rolling statement but change is hard for me, and it adds this entirely huge hard dynamic. Worth it? yes. But I'm still in the midst of all the change and trying to find the peaceful place in it. Thank you for sharing this!!
ReplyDelete