Marriage won't fix everything.

I can't speak from my own experience as I have never been married but I have been surrounded by married people my whole life.

People who made marriage look like the easiest thing in the world, people who I didn't understand why they stayed married, people who tried to sugar coat it and people who were brutally honest.

This is what I know: adding someone else to your life is hard. Making time and space is hard. Making time and space for the right person is easier, but it still means sacrifice. 

When you get married life doesn't just magically change for the better.  What does change is your name, your title, your living situation and change is hard. Change can be worth it but it is hard. 

"Singles" don't do yourself a disservice and think that getting married will solve all your problems. You are adding someone else's messed up life, finances, family to your own messed up life, finances and family.  Yes there are now two people carrying that weight but it is also double the weight.

"Marrieds" don't do us single people wrong. Don't make us feel like marriage is the end goal. Some of us will never get there. Some of us will take a long time. Be honest with us. Remind us that living in community is hard. Remind us that love doesn't take out the trash or put the toilet seat down. Remind us that we have value and worth right now in our singleness. 

Heck be jealous of us, because unfortunately a lot of us our jealous of you. 

Not enough

I know most of my jealousy issues stem from a lack of self confidence. A feeling that I am not good enough that I am not worth it. Often times I pray for God to provide me a spouse, a partner that will help me feel confident and secure and loved and then my feelings of jealousy will be cured, will be healed.

 I pray for an outside source to make an inside lacking go away.  I don't pray for healing or strength. I don't pray for confidence and boldness. I do the same thing I have done my whole life. I pray for a husband. I pray to find my hope and security in a man. I don't seek security and comfort in the man who has already shown me how much I am worth. The one who gave his life for me even before I was born. The one who loves me no matter if I love him or not.

I know that no man is perfect and should I ever getting married, my husband will fail. There will be times when he talks to a pretty coworker and because he hasn't complimented my looks that day I will jump the conclusion that he doesn't love me any more and wants to be with her instead.  

I also know and "fully" trust and pray that God will give my husband an understanding heart.  I pray that God will heal me of these issues, and make me a strong woman, who will know that my husband chose me for life and even though I didn't get a compliment that day and that he is talking to a pretty woman because he is a nice human being, that he will come home with me and kiss me goodnight and hold my hand and pray for God to keep our marriage strong. 

God will never provide me with less than I need or more than I can handle.