Encouragement for the Singles

There was multiple times this weekend
when I was glad to be completely single.

I lounged on the couch Friday night until it was time for late night pie with friends.

Saturday I ran, then ran errands all day, only home long enough to eat and shower before going out with coworkers. 

Sunday was church, lunch, nap, hospital visit and Lord of the Rings.

As I sat on my friend's couch Sunday night I became so thankful for my singleness. Even as several of my friends got engaged this weekend, I was not sad or lonely. 

I was glad. I was glad I didn't have to drag someone awkwardly to an event with a handful of coworkers, where the conversation was mostly about work. I was glad that I didn't have to worry about fitting in hang out time with a significant other. I enjoyed spending my Saturday going at my own pace, adding and taking  away activities as I saw fit. I liked that I didn't have to have an akward conversation or feel bad for not inviting a boy along to the girls watching of Lord of the Rings.

Now I don't want you to get the wrong idea and think that I am some pillar of singleness. There are times when I am desperately lonely. There are days when I desire to keep someone up to date with my schedule. When I wish I had someone to drag along with me to silly work functions. 

But this weekend was not one of those times. This weekend I enjoyed my singleness for all of its wonderfulness. 

I believe that someday I will get married, someday I will have someone else's schedule to work around. Someday I will long for these days again. So now when those days of loneliness come I will try and think of that time, in the future, where I will no longer be young and wild and free. I will be old and tame and caged, me, my husband and our 2.5 kids, and I will long desperately for these days. 

What do non-Catholics do on Ash Wednesday?

As a former Catholic and current Christian, Ash Wednesday is a weird day for me. 

I feel like I should do something. But not sure exactly what. 

Going to Catholic mass isn't really an option, as I have some pretty mixed feelings about that whole thing still. (15 years after I actively stopped attending mass)  

One of my friends agreed stating "#iwanttheashes #idontwanttheashes" 

It's not even so much the ashes that I want/don't want. 

Maybe it's the sense of community that used to come from attending Ash Wednesday services and being marked for the world to see. 

Maybe it's my current desire to spend my days in scripture, discussing concepts, and reading articles/blogs on Christian topics. 

Maybe it is a recognition of today being the start of something big. 

No matter the reason behind the feeling, it is there. And I am not sure what to do with it. So like I do with most things that fall in this category I will just try not to think about it and move on. Maybe read some scripture too. 

Remade

I cry a lot easier these days. From wounds that have yet to heal, from old wounds that have been broken open. 

I do not sniffle them down or push them away, unless for just a moment to arrive at a more appropriate place to let them flow.

I have not allowed my heartache to make me bitter, though I hurt. 

And sometimes I allow that hurt to overtake me, to bring me to my knees, because I know that in order for a broken bone to heal it needs to be reset and sometimes that is the most painful thing of all. 

So I hurt and I ache, and sometimes everything in me shakes. But I am being broken to be repaired. To be made new. 

I am ruined to be remade.