Encouragement for the Singles

There was multiple times this weekend
when I was glad to be completely single.

I lounged on the couch Friday night until it was time for late night pie with friends.

Saturday I ran, then ran errands all day, only home long enough to eat and shower before going out with coworkers. 

Sunday was church, lunch, nap, hospital visit and Lord of the Rings.

As I sat on my friend's couch Sunday night I became so thankful for my singleness. Even as several of my friends got engaged this weekend, I was not sad or lonely. 

I was glad. I was glad I didn't have to drag someone awkwardly to an event with a handful of coworkers, where the conversation was mostly about work. I was glad that I didn't have to worry about fitting in hang out time with a significant other. I enjoyed spending my Saturday going at my own pace, adding and taking  away activities as I saw fit. I liked that I didn't have to have an akward conversation or feel bad for not inviting a boy along to the girls watching of Lord of the Rings.

Now I don't want you to get the wrong idea and think that I am some pillar of singleness. There are times when I am desperately lonely. There are days when I desire to keep someone up to date with my schedule. When I wish I had someone to drag along with me to silly work functions. 

But this weekend was not one of those times. This weekend I enjoyed my singleness for all of its wonderfulness. 

I believe that someday I will get married, someday I will have someone else's schedule to work around. Someday I will long for these days again. So now when those days of loneliness come I will try and think of that time, in the future, where I will no longer be young and wild and free. I will be old and tame and caged, me, my husband and our 2.5 kids, and I will long desperately for these days. 

I dont know what I want

Period. I dont know what I want with my job. I dont know what I want for supper. I dont know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Heck I dont even know what I want to do with the rest of my night.
This lack of knowing, lack of desire has left me in a rather horrible place. A place where the smallest things make me cry. A place where I am left wondering about everything and nothing. Will I ever fit in? Will I ever get married? Am I valued? Does God see? Does He care? Maybe my relationship with God is like my relationship with so many of my friends right now. He doesn't talk to me because I haven't been talking to Him.

What are you waiting for?

I read a blog recently that talked about purity rings and waiting till your married. In it the girl talks about how she took off her purity ring not because she was going to go out and have sex but because of the symbolism behind it. Her life wasnt about waiting and that is something that I think we as a culture dont stress enough.
Our lives shouldnt be about waiting. We already have everything. Why should I wait till I find a husband or  wait till I have a kid? Why can't I live my life right now to the fullest? Why has society decided that I am less because I'm single?
I am no less important or valued by my Creator because I do not have a husband or children. Maybe in some ways I am more valued because I can commit to every Sunday morning hanging with middle schoolers and taking them on mission trips and showing them how awesome a Jesus centered life can be.

This is something I need to be reminded of daily, how much God loves me in the here and now. His love for me does not wait for me to get married or wait for me to have children. His love is here and now and powerful and wonderful.

This is one of the things I hope my middle schoolers (specifically the girls) learn. God did not put us on this earth to sit and wait. God put us here to do and live and love. I want them to see and hear through my actions and words that my life is about God's plan and God's love and living an amazing Jesus centered life. Lucky for me I am not an early Jew. I do not have to wait for the coming Messiah. And luckily He loves me.

My true love has already come, He saved my soul and loves me unconditionally.  And He is pretty much perfect. Now if only I could get him to do the dishes.

So here's the deal

I am 31 years old. (yes I know I need to update my profile)  I am single. I haven't had a boyfriend in 6 years or gone on a date in over a year.
Being 25 and single is awesome. Heck even 30 and single was pretty great but at 31 all sorts of reality has set in.
There is not currently any men in my life who are potential life mates. So even if I met the guy of my dreams tomorrow there is still some get to know you time, meet the family and friends, get engaged, plan a wedding, etc. time. So lets say at least 6 months but probably longer because I am me and slightly crazy and would spend 3 months debating if I actually want to live with someone else.
So a year from now I am married, and I want to have kids but not right a way so we wait. But I am almost 33 at this point and who knows what my body will do. But I dont just want one kid. Only children freak me out (side affect of a big family). So I will want to have another one but I am sure it will take awhile before I want to go through that again. Just like it takes me time to get over the pain of a tattoo and the lack of sleep from a busy week, so too will it take time for me to forget the pain of childbirth and remember that even though it hurt and I didn't sleep for months, it was worth it.
So there I will be 37 and pregnant with my second child. That is if my old fragile body can handle it. There goes my ideas of having a large family just like the one I grew up in. There is always adoption but that takes time as well. So maybe by the time I am 40 I can have 3 kids.

That is if I meet the guy of my dreams tomorrow....