"Your will be done"

I have had two major life verses in my life, that I have repeated to myself over and over again when times were rough.
The first one was Jeremiah 29:11. As I drove by myself from Iowa to LA in the spring of 2009 through hills of Utah in an extreme downpour this verse came to mind.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I breathed easier knowing that God had a plan, that should my car die, should I die, in this barren land with 100 miles to the next gas station, that it would be a part of God's plan. That should I live, it would be a part of God's plan. God had a future for me.

This was my verse until winter 2013, when I met someone who had the same life verse. When I was in a relationship that would change my life. When I experienced my first panic attack, as I heard that verse coming out of his mouth, and knew God was clearly speaking to me.
My prayer had changed that fall. That relationship had caused me to change. The words of my lips and pray of my heart had changed to a simple phrase, "Your will be done."
Yes I had a future and yes, God still had a plan for me, but what I needed to remind myself of was that God's will needed to be done. It wasn't about me, but about God.

Today as I reflected on this, I began to think more and more about the Lord's Prayer. About how Jesus instructed us to pray.
It starts out so simple.
Our Father - Ours not just Jesus', not just mine, not just yours, but OURS. We may not agree on predestination or the end of the world, but none of that matters. We have the same God, we share the same Father. We are a community of believers. Often we forget that.
who art in heaven - God is reigning over us, He is where we want to be.
hallowed be your name - God is are holy, God is worthy to be praised.
your kingdom come - Your kingdom God, not mine, not Joe's, but Yours.
your will be done - God what You want, what You will, what You desire. Not me, not my wants, not my wills, not my desires.
on earth - On earth, in this place. God's will be done here and now, where we walk and live.
as it is in heaven - let this place on earth be a mirror of heaven.
Give us today - Today, not tomorrow, not next week, or next month or when we graduate or get married but today.
our daily bread - God will not let us starve. He will deliver the manna from heaven. He will feed us. Daily.
and forgive us our trespasses - We will screw up. We are human and we fail, but God will forgive us.
as we forgive those who have sinned against us -  we need to forgive. Holding that grudge, holding that hurt, does nothing but hurt us. If God can forgive us, we need to extend that forgiveness onto others.
And lead us not into temptation - I am prone to screw up. It is only with God that I don't fail. If God is leading us, if our eyes are on God, we will be safer from temptation.
but deliver us from evil - God can rescue us. God DOES rescue us. He is the only thing that saves.

Matthew 6:9- 13, how simple, how beautiful. How often we just repeat the words from memory, without pausing to think about what they really mean.

Not enough

I know most of my jealousy issues stem from a lack of self confidence. A feeling that I am not good enough that I am not worth it. Often times I pray for God to provide me a spouse, a partner that will help me feel confident and secure and loved and then my feelings of jealousy will be cured, will be healed.

 I pray for an outside source to make an inside lacking go away.  I don't pray for healing or strength. I don't pray for confidence and boldness. I do the same thing I have done my whole life. I pray for a husband. I pray to find my hope and security in a man. I don't seek security and comfort in the man who has already shown me how much I am worth. The one who gave his life for me even before I was born. The one who loves me no matter if I love him or not.

I know that no man is perfect and should I ever getting married, my husband will fail. There will be times when he talks to a pretty coworker and because he hasn't complimented my looks that day I will jump the conclusion that he doesn't love me any more and wants to be with her instead.  

I also know and "fully" trust and pray that God will give my husband an understanding heart.  I pray that God will heal me of these issues, and make me a strong woman, who will know that my husband chose me for life and even though I didn't get a compliment that day and that he is talking to a pretty woman because he is a nice human being, that he will come home with me and kiss me goodnight and hold my hand and pray for God to keep our marriage strong. 

God will never provide me with less than I need or more than I can handle.