Silence and mourning

This year I have been really struck by the idea that on Friday night Jesus' disciples, his friends, his family watched him die.  They didn't know what was happening, they didn't know that their Lord was coming back. Unlike modern Christians Saturday wasn't a day of waiting. It was a day of silence, a day of grief and of mourning. 

For many modern Christians Saturday is the day of preparation. A day of preparation for a celebration. We spend the day grocery shopping, coloring eggs and preparing a banquet. 

But Jesus' followers, his friends spent Saturday in hiding. They spent Saturday in mourning. They did not know. They were not able to say that tonight we mourn and tomorrow we rejoice.

We get the privilege and honor to know that on Sunday we rejoice. On Sunday we proclaim the good news. They got the privilege and honor of knowing Jesus in the flesh. 

Today I will mourn.

Tomorrow I will celebrate, but today I grieve.  

What are you waiting for?

I read a blog recently that talked about purity rings and waiting till your married. In it the girl talks about how she took off her purity ring not because she was going to go out and have sex but because of the symbolism behind it. Her life wasnt about waiting and that is something that I think we as a culture dont stress enough.
Our lives shouldnt be about waiting. We already have everything. Why should I wait till I find a husband or  wait till I have a kid? Why can't I live my life right now to the fullest? Why has society decided that I am less because I'm single?
I am no less important or valued by my Creator because I do not have a husband or children. Maybe in some ways I am more valued because I can commit to every Sunday morning hanging with middle schoolers and taking them on mission trips and showing them how awesome a Jesus centered life can be.

This is something I need to be reminded of daily, how much God loves me in the here and now. His love for me does not wait for me to get married or wait for me to have children. His love is here and now and powerful and wonderful.

This is one of the things I hope my middle schoolers (specifically the girls) learn. God did not put us on this earth to sit and wait. God put us here to do and live and love. I want them to see and hear through my actions and words that my life is about God's plan and God's love and living an amazing Jesus centered life. Lucky for me I am not an early Jew. I do not have to wait for the coming Messiah. And luckily He loves me.

My true love has already come, He saved my soul and loves me unconditionally.  And He is pretty much perfect. Now if only I could get him to do the dishes.

My place in this world

"I'm looking for a reason, trying to find a place in this world, my place in this world"
I was never good at song lyrics and to save my life I can't tell you who sings it but it is in my head as I think about where I belong.

I have been in Omaha since the end of November and have a part time job that I don't hate, a church that is mega, a bible study with wonderful women and the Bible, and some wonderfully random friends.
I definetly have no path, no mission, no true north. On Sunday my pastor gave us an assignment. To write up our personal mission statement. Not what we WANT it to be, but what it truly is. I obviously have not done this for several reasons, one being my laziness and another being my total desire not to be honest with myself or anyone else for that manner.

I would love to say that my mission is to glorify God in all ways possible, but that is not true. I think that if I were to be completely true with myself I would say that my mission is to get through the day.
How pathetic is that. That is my life goal, that is what guides me no matter my situation or location. I fail as a Christian. I fail at life. I fill my days with stupid pointless things, like the last 10 minutes watching videos on YouTube, so I don't have to think about how I am living in my brothers basement or that I spend most of my time there or that I will never have a job that I want and love or get married or anything of those thoughts that fill your mind in a depressed state.

On Sunday my after church thought was about how I keep waiting. I was waiting to move to California to do xyz, then it was, I wanted to wait to do certain things when I moved to Omaha. Waiting for spring, waiting for summer, waiting for a full time job, waiting til I have a place of my own, waiting til I get married.
One would think that these thoughts would motivate me to get off my behind and get to work on some of these things, but not so much. Cuz I am just trying to make it through the day.