Tears

I don't think I have cried so much in my life as I have in the last month. Mostly tears of saddness and pain and confusion, with a few drops of love and joy.



I think even when I lived in CA and didnt know where my money was coming from and whose couch I was going to sleep on next I didn't shed this many tears. Partly bc I didn't have a place to do so.



I don't think I ever realized how hard living with family would be/is. I also never realized how I suck a communication and telling people what I want/need and where I am at in life. I really am such an independent person that it is truly truly hard for me to reach out to others. For me to tell others what I am thinking, how I am feeling, what my plans and ideas are is like pulling teeth. But I love talking to people and I am definetly an extrovert in that I often feel like if I dont tell someone then it isn't real. But yet I keep pretty much everything inside. All the big stuff anyway.

Moments like this and nights like tonight make me wonder how/if I will ever have a successful relationship. Romantic or otherwise.