Week in review

For the most part I have had a rather productive week. I figured out how to make pants, a new design for a hooded vest, and set up my crafting area. Picked up some fabric to make a hoodie and some other fabric stuff for my "clothing line"
I also went to a yoga and a pilates class. Yoga was fun and hurt and bit the next day but in a good way, pilates nearly killed me and laughing and moving hurt for several days afterwards. It still hurts to sneeze. My ribs seriously feel like they need to be removed. I wonder if this is what it feels like after a car accident.
I tried out a new church today. It was a pretty good experience and I am pretty sure I will give it a second try.
Oh and I had 2.5 phone interviews and set up a face to face interview for next week. Kinda nervous about the interview, especially since I have forgotten the name of the man who called me. :) But I know who I am supposed to interview with so that counts.

It also snowed today in the great city of Omaha. It looks beautiful but I know it is cold and wet and it had made me miss California and my California friends. As did church this morning and videos of Disney and Desperate Housewives and a lonely Friday night. I know I need to work hard and get a job and make the monies so I go back and visit soon, but I am just not feeling it. The job part, not the visiting part. I am really loving doing the creative thing and making the clothes. I am actually pretty sad b/c I have to spend tomorrow supervising carpet install and doing house stuff instead of spending it in my creative suite. BLAH. Oh well such is the life of the girl who is living rent free.

My story

I was thinking today as I was walking back home from dropping of yet another job application on Day 573 of the great job search. (ok it hasn't been that many days but it feels like it)
I was thinking today about how great of a story I have. I got to live in Long Beach and rock the beach California life for almost 9 months. Not that it wasn't hard to not have a job and a source of income, but it is pretty amazing that I got to do that.
I made a decision that I was stuck and needed to restart, so I quit my good job with a good income at a good company because it wasn't what I wanted in life.
Still not overly sure what I want but I know that what I had wasn't it. California gave me a great time to figure things out and refresh and get my head back into the game. Now I know what I don't want and that is to settle. I am not going to settle for anything less than what I desire. I want to make kids clothes so I am going to do it. I want to do events so I am going to do it. I want a job that will give me the chance to create and be with people and have the freedom to explore my life. So I am going to.

Had two phone interviews today and feeling good about life, except that Nebraska is cold right now and my bedroom has a goofy heater, as does "my office".
I should change and get ready to go workout but yoga last night kicked my butt and I am not sure I can do it two nights in a row. I think I will just go unpack some more, so I can continue on my life.

Lack of Motivation

When I was in Long Beach, I couldn't wait to get to Omaha and get my creativity on. Now that I am here I am having some issues. I still havent completely unpacked but I need to clean first so I can move furniture around so I can unpack. I feel like I need to unpack before I can start working on the other stuff.
I did apply for two jobs yesterday and paid bills so that is semi productive. I also went to dinner with a college friend, so that counts too right???
So far today I have checked my email, played on facebook, and watched PBS. I am looking for jobs now as well, but haven't really done much else, such as eat breakfast, or lunch since it is past noon now. :)

I told my sisal about my idea to open an Etsy shop and she was super encouraging and supportive. Now I just need to get my butt in gear and get to work.

Omaha

I am now in Omaha, doing the job search thing there. I definetly am going through the whole nesting, setting things up, not really wanting to actually look for jobs. Tomorrow I have to go to the coffee shop to try and figure out what is up with my brothers internet. Hopefully when I walk down there, some of the other shops in the hood will have help wanted signs and I can get a little part time work going. Except working is going to be this super strange feeling. That is all I could think of as I was putting stuff in my new closet and hanging up suits. The thought of having to put a suit on again and dressing up and going to work feels strange.

It will be super nice to connect with old friends again as well. Going to dinner tomorrow with one of my college girls tomorrow and get to meet her boyfriend. Excited about that.
Also excited about how encouraged I feel by my brother and his wife. Encouraged to find a job but also encouraged to create and be crafty and use the other skills that I have. I have a feeling I am going to like it here alot.

Motivation

Last night my church family prayed for me and the next step in my journey. It was amazing as the people around me prayed for me to find a job, to be safe and comfortable in Omaha.
One of my friends prayed for motivation. As I listened to the words he spoke I realized how important that prayer was to me. As I look forward to the next stage in my life I know that my need to motivate myself and keep myself going is the main thing that is going to stand between me and any success I have.
I have realized more and more what things motivate me and am excited to get comfy in my new room and make a motivation wall.

I am excited to have space to create kids clothes and work on art and photography and crochet and just create. And get a job and make money and hang with friends and their beautiful children. I am excited to see what God is going to do and where we will be going together.

I want to find a job that allows me to dabble in lots of things that I like to do. Or find people to finish things out for me.
I like to take pictures but I don't like doing much with them except posting them on Facebook. :) And I want a nicer camera, which was going to be my reward for finding a job in LA but since that isn't happening I am not sure when it will.
I like making things, like clothes and scarfs and blankets, but I have never sold anything and a few shirts that I have made I like too much to give away (I am worried that the people won't appreciate them)
I like writing or at least have a lot of good ideas for different things, websites, books, articles, etc. but am not the best writer and would prefer to just come up with ideas and outlines and have someone fine tune it for me.

I really just need to surround myself with people that are supportive of my craziness and keep me going and motivated. I also need people who tell me that I CAN.
I go through these phases where I stop doing what I love because of the thought that someone else is better at it than me, that I am not good enough. I need to push those thoughts out of my mind and get to work.

And now I feel motivated but am tired so maybe I will work from bed and when I fall asleep I will be done.

Today

Today I will do things that I enjoy.
Today I will be a productive member of society.
Today I will work on both things I need to do and things I want to do.
Today I will eat regular meals that are healthy for me.
Today I will not let my laziness determine what gets done.
Today I will not be distracted by silly things.
Today I will refrain from slacking my way through cover letters and job applications.
Today I will not get lost in what could be, but be active in what is.
Today I will make a list and a schedule and I will stick to it.

Today starts now.

Designer???

The other day I was on this huge creative kick. I worked on headbands and some baby clothes (or really just idea for baby clothes) and I started thinking that maybe I want to be a kids clothing designer. Do cute stuff cheap b/c frankly it sucks to spend money on baby clothes when they fit for like a week. That is my dream job of the week.

I have also made some pretty serious decisions that basicially end with the idea of unless it is a part time job I will not take a full time job that doesn't lead to my 10 year plan, which at this moment besides being a designer, also is to be an event planner. Crazyness is about to insue people, utter and complete crazyness. Feeling motivated to work hard again so away I go.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon at Disneyland celebrating a friend's birthday. Today one of my roommates made the comment about how it must be nice to be on vacation all the time and go to Disney whenever I want.
This might be true if I had money to blow and wasn't concerned at all about how I was going to pay bills. But unfortunetly I do not have a father who is trying to buy my love and is paying for me to live this life or paying to have all my belongings shipped across the country.
It might also be true if I didn't spend every day looking for jobs and applying and applying and applying and get rejected and rejected and rejected and rejected. Ones self worth really tends to go down the tubes and there is alot of self doubt involved in that, as well as when you feel like you are surrounded by people who don't want you succeed. Not that they want me to fail, they just don't want me to succeed.

Also, what is the correct response when a company says that you will hear from them on Friday and it has been a week since that said Friday? I sent over an email on the Monday following that Friday but have still heard nothing. Not sure how I feel about calling them, partly because I am in a funk right now, which is kinda crazy because I was on one heck of a working kick the other day.

The waiting game

I have now had two phone interviews with one company and a phone and face to face interview with another company. While I understand the need to interview other people and make sure they find the most qualified candidate I also dislike the fact that I sit here waiting. It is times like this that I want to change my 10 year plan towards HR and work in recruiting and hiring and remind those departments about the pain of sitting and waiting and about how even though it sucks it is nice to get a reject letter because then you know for sure. You know that they got your application, you know that they found someone else better, and in rare cases you know that you suck.
Wouldn't that be nice? If companies would not only send you a reject letter but also say why.

Dear Mr. Jones,
Thank you for applying for our company. While we are very sure that you think you are a skilled writer, you might want to work on your editing and spell checking skills. While it is great that you spent three years in Africa feeding the poor, this skill does not translate to the world of aerodynamics.
Next time we recommend you applying for a job you are actually qualified for, like working at the soup kitchen.
Thank you,
HR!!!

Ahh that would be soo good, or at least a personality builder/education tool. Obviously there would have to be some restraints on that for legal reasons.

So this is what I do while I wait. I become slightly absurd and my mind wanders and I apply for more jobs b/c that is what the cool kids do.

Excitment

Was going to post today about the oddity that is the phone interview but just got a call for a followup phone interview and am through the roof excited. It has been a long 6 months, so this is feeling good.

But phone interviews are pretty crazy. You can't read the interviewers expressions, but you also don't have to worry about traffic getting to a place late or super early, or the akward handshake. Best part is you don't have to dress up, which I truly enjoyed yesterday as I sat on my bedroom floor in my jeans and band tshirt. And I am going to love it again tomorrow as I once again sit on the bedroom floor in jeans and a shirt (or sweater, Long Beach has been getting chilly)

I am actually having a super hard time right now focusing. Granted the job, while at a company I would love to work for, is not in California, and part of me just isn't ready to move yet, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

I have been making of things I want to do once I have a job and am making money to afford to do such things. Unfortunetly none of those things are motivating for me today. Which also means that it will be even longer before I can afford to do those things. Which also means that unless I win the lotto (which I am not playing) or hook up with a rich dude (no rich dudes run in my circles) that the likely hood of me moving back to the MidWest is getting greater and greater. That in itself is a double edged sword.
I know that it will be easier to get a job in the MidWest purely from the fact that it is not still under a giant economic pressure like the great state of California. I also have more connections there which make it a bit easier. I also miss my family alot and as it gets closer to the holidays I wish to be there more and more. But it is cold there and I feel like there is less "life" there. There always seems to be something going on here and I am not ready to say good bye to the friends I have made.
I feel like I have spent the last 6 months waiting; waiting for a job, waiting for an opportunity, waiting for God to show me something.
I cry at the thought of leaving here and moving back, but I really don't know what else to do. Being in this large of debt with no job hopes totally stresses me out.

Emails

I should have started this blog 6 months ago when I moved out here. Then I could have written all about the wierd interviews (ok only two) that I have had, and the turmoils of writing and rewriting resumes and cover letters. The world has truly missed out on some fun times in the last 6 months of my life, so instead you get to hear about how I got an email on Friday afternoon.
The Friday afternoon email was sent on Wednesday afternoon, 3:30 pm Wednesday afternoon to be exact. The contents of the email were about an interview day on Thursday afternoon, Thursday from 2pm - 5pm, less than 24 hours after the email was sent. One of the downfalls of not having internet at home is that things like this can happen very easily. It is not always easy for me to get to a coffee shop to check my email so things often wait at least 24 hours or longer in my email box.
But you see there was another issue with this email, besides the short notice and my lack of internet. The interview was being held over a thousand miles away from where I currently am. So even if I had recieved the email on Wednesday afternoon the probablity of me making it to the interview was very small, ok basically non existant, unless I would have gotten in the car that very second and drove all night long, or had money to waste and jumped on the first plane out. Neither of which are the case. But imagine the look on their faces had I walked into the interview after driving on night, exhausted and maybe even starving. THAT is dedication to a job.

Friend Frustration

Recently I have become more and more frustrated with the friends in my life. Those that are fully aware of my job situation and my general need to have something to do with my days.
I realize that my friends can not just give me a job nor can they apply to jobs for me, but they do have the power of informing me of job openings, as well as putting in a good word for me at their companies or with friends and family that are hiring.
I am also having a bit of frustration with people who already have jobs and are looking for second and third jobs while leaving me in the dark. Me, the girl who has worked a total of 4 days in the past 6 months, the girl who is starting to wonder how she is going to pay bills, the girl who wishes life wasn't about who you know instead of what you know, the girl whose frustrations are leading her to doubt herself.

Search

I feel like I have reached a lack of caring in my search for jobs. I actually go through stages. Most stages are of the lack of caring variety.
I still feel for the most part that I want to do event planning and marketing. Unfortunetly more and more I feel like it is an unreachable dream.
Searching for a job is hard work. Searching for a job in California makes one wonder if they will ever get hired. EVER.

Today I thought about how when I lived in Iowa, while unhappy with lots of things, at least I was making money and not having to worry about how I was going to pay the bills. Now that is a daily concern, or I just try and avoid that thought.

Ok this post is depressing. Off to sleep and not think about this anymore.

What am I great at?

The other day the neighbor boy (actually a 28 year old man) asked me what I was great at. I laughed because I have known the answer to this for many years and feel that it adds to my current dilemma.
I am not great at anything, but I am good at lots of things. I am a good cook, and photographer, and teacher, and hairstylist, and crocheter, and basketballer, and loads of other things, but I am not exceptionally great at any of them. If I had one amazing skill that is where I would be focusing my time and energy right now. On doing something that I am great at. On being something that I can excel at.
I guess I am a great listener and observer. What kind of job can I get with those skills?

What to do???

Yesterday while meeting with my pastor he informed me that I needed to figure out what I wanted. WHAT?!?!?! Apparently me living as the wind takes me isn't a very purposeful life, nor profitable.

I have been couch surfing for the last 6 months in the beautiful Long Beach, CA area. I came out here after living in Iowa for 27 years. I had spent the last three of them in a small south eastern Iowa town with a good job. I also spent those three years looking for another job. Small town living is not the life for me. A short discussion with some friends and my hand been forced at work lead me to quit my safe job and load up my car and move.
So in addition to couch surfing I have also been job hunting, in a state that is having some pretty serious issues. The major downfall for the job hunt besides the lack of jobs is the lack of knowing what I want. I have this ideal in my head of working for a convention center or hotel as an event coordinator. That is what I would love to do, I think. In all honesty I have no clue.
So here I am with a blog and not much else. I tell myself and others that I what I want is to do what God wants me to do. Which is completely true, but I don't know what He wants me to do. Does He want me to be a bartender, or a nanny, or a lunch lady? Does He want me in Long Beach or Redondo Beach, or maybe back in the Midwest? Maybe it doesn't really matter what He wants, or maybe He wants me to do what I want. Which goes back to the original issue.
I need to figure out what I want.