Feelings, nothing more than feelings

This morning at 12:08am my nephew was born. Instead of being excited (even though I am, and very very happy he finally has a name) I am hurt because my I found out on Facebook. Didn't recieve a phone call or a text but Facebook, and if my oldest brother hadn't told me to check my email, I never would have realized that an email was sent this morning announcing his arrival.
This hurt my feelings, mostly bc if I wasn't spending the week out of town babysitting, and thus currently sitting in a coffee shop using their internet, I wouldn't have access to my email and wouldn't have even checked it until much later in the day. And thus I would have read Facebook and been pissy the rest of the day.

I realize this is stupid and all that matters is that he is finally here and is healthy, but it just brings up all my insecurities and what not. If my oldest brother hadn't responded to my complaint about finding out on facebook, I would have never known to check my email. I think it also upsets me bc this is the same older brother who informed the world of his engagement by email, when I had graduated from college and was living on a couch and didn't have access to the internet. Thus I hate the internet. I hate how dependent the world has gotten on it for a form a communication, especially in timely matters. Which I know I am guilty of as much as the next person but for the most part it is for minor events like lunch, not the birth of my child. I mean what if I didn't have access to the internet at all this week. I could have gone days without knowing. Not really cuz if I didn't hear anything by lunch time I would have called my mom to check in and then I would have been even more upset but it didn't happen that way.

But as I sat in the coffee shop trying not to cry and be upset about being informed this way, instead of fighting back tears of joy, I realized how easily my feelings get hurt. Which I feel kinda stupid saying because I consider myself a mostly stable person and I try not to let stuff get to me, but yeah my feelings get hurt pretty easy.

• It hurt my feelings that I found out about my nephew through an email.
• It hurt my feelings when the 8yr old that I am babysitting hit me in the chest last night for no reason.
• It hurt my feelings that one of my friends planned a trip to my city when I told her I would be out of town.

I know there are a dozen more stupid things that have hurt me, and the super sad thing is that most of them have brought me either to tears or close to tears. I really think it is just a sign that I just need a really good cry.

I think I have spent so much of my life trying to be tough and protect myself, that the stupiest little things hurt me now, and instead of telling people, I just keep it inside. What is the point of telling my brother that it hurt my feelings, when he can't go back in time and change it and it will just make him feel bad during a happy time in his life.

Sometimes I wish I didn't feel this way, but at the same time I am glad that God made me this way. I am glad that I can be sympathic and express my emotions and am in tune with myself to know all of this.